Monthly Archives: April 2013

I Am A…

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1. Mother (experienced x 3)
2. Baker (ameture)
3. Fainter (professional)

Even if you’ve only ever read my last two posts on this blog you know the first two adjectives are accurate but I’m not sure I have ever really shared in any detail the fact that I am a fainter. When I say that I’m a fainter I don’t mean that I’ve fainted a handful of times but rather too many times to count. It’s something that first happened in my elementary school lunch line after I jammed my finger sliding down the stairway banister and occurs at least once or twice a year. The docs say it’s just some vasovagal response in which a stressor of some kind causes blood to stop flowing to the brain leaving me unconscious on the ground for 30 seconds or so as the blood returns to my brain and the lights turn back on. Fun, right?

The good thing about this is that I now know when it’s going to happen. I start to feel all fuzzy and know to sit down and inform the people around me that I am about to faint so they don’t freak out. When I come to, I always seem to cry but not because I’m upset. It’s a natural reaction for me and mostly I’m just amused or annoyed that it happened once more and if I’m around strangers I have to then plead my case that I do not in fact need a darn ambulance or any medical attention. In fact, I’d much rather bypass all the attention and go back about my business because there are no short-term or long-term after effects.

So, why am I now bring up this little personal quirk? Well, because last night it happened again. I was standing in my kitchen when my mom’s dog and my youngest dog got into a scuffle. I should know by now never to intervene in a dog fight but I’m a slow learner. As they were mauling each other’s faces I decided to try and kick my dog in the side to distract him long enough to release my mom’s dog’s throat. 2013-04-30 09.35.38

Of course this went over better in my head than in reality because instead of slamming the top of my foot into his rib cage I hit his butt bone. Hard! It hurt really badly. Then I started to feel woozy, sat down with my head in between my legs. Knowing the lights were about to go off I started to lay down and tell my mom and husband I would see them later.

After 30 seconds of some vivid dream that I can’t remember I came to, lying on my kitchen floor, foot pounding and a bit confused. Then I remembered why I was lying on my gross floor and was just happy that I wasn’t crying. This is progress people! No tears! At least I’m impressed with myself. My mom said I don’t faint like normal people. I faint like someone who’s seizing. That’s cool.

Anyways, my foot hurts a bit today and it’s a little swollen on top but I can walk. Oh, and the dogs are fine. I’m sure you were wondering about that.

As I mentioned, I’m a frequent fainter and have been passing out since the 4th grade so naturally I’ve lost consciousness in some key locations. Let me share…

Top Five Fainting Locations:

5. Airplane on the way to California. I puked afterwards. Still not sure why I went down in the aisle as I was walking to the bathroom but the airline sent me a sweet pen and apologized for my unpleasant experience.

4. College campus outside the girl’s bathroom. I had to call off the medical people and hurry back to class to turn in a paper. Priorities people!

3. On the toilet at home. My Grammy found me after making some weird-ass moaning noises. My mom confirmed yesterday that I still do that when I faint.

2. In the dentist chair while I was pregnant with my son. At least I was already lying down. Mid-filling I fainted and when I came to they asked me if I wanted to reschedule. “No dammit!  Just finish,” was the jist of my response.

1. In the ICU last year when my grandma was waking up from anesthesia after a major operation. Just for the record, fainting in a hospital is a bad idea. They force you to go to the ER where all you do is consume the most expensive turkey sandwich you’re likely to ever have and their tests tell you what you already know.

There have been lots of other places but I think these are the best ones.

Cheers from the Fainter-Extraordinaire!

Are you a fainter? If so, feel free to share with me your best fainting story. I could use the camaraderie here people 🙂

 

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Happy Birthday Baby Butt Scootcher

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One year ago today we became a family of 5. Our sweet baby girl was born and since that day our lives have been filled with more smiles, laughter and butt scootching than we ever thought possible.

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She spent the day enjoying balloons, cake and extended family. We spent the day enjoying her smiles. It was a great day.

 

Backyard Park

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I’m pretty sure my MIL’s goal is to fund a neighborhood park. This park is located in my backyard and it just recently expanded.

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See that dome on the left? Yeah, that’s new. My girly turned 5 and this was her present from her Grandma. The large play set next to it was acquired on her 3rd birthday. The little house was acquired as a “thanks for accepting me as your new sister” gift when my youngest was born last year. Their grandma thought it was a silly sibling gift and I wasn’t about to object. The thing has a doorbell for goodness sake! Oh, and that little one sitting in the front right of the play area was where we started. That was Lilly’s very first play set from her Grandma. At this rate I’m a bit worried as to where we’re going to end up but wherever that may be I’m comforted knowing we upped our insurance coverage!

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Of course, the first day after their dad assembled the dome it poured all darn day. Obviously the rain didn’t impede their fun. Little man did  have to snag some buckets to help himself get up after I turned down his request for assistance. I’m sure I told him I had to tend to his baby sister or something. She’s still a good excuse to get out of unfavorable activities like climbing in the cold rain.

DSC02334My boy was much happier to climb in the rain once I mentioned to the kids that their snow gear would keep them a bit less soaked. I also mentioned that a rain jacket would help but my daughter doesn’t yet care about nappy, wet hair so she continued her outdoor exploration without one as I watched from inside and laughed.

The above pic was taken as she was coming inside after a solid 30 minutes of rainy day fun mastering the new dome at our backyard park.

“You’re soaked!” I said laughing as I snapped the picture.

“It’s just a little water, Mom!” she replied.

Have you played in the rain lately? Looks like fun, doesn’t it!?!

Butt Scootching at its Finest

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One week from today my baby will turn one. Click on the link to see how she gets around. You’ll get the gist of it after 30 seconds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ba5Y3gK0XJY

Her butt scootching moves are funny but makes her clothes filthy. This should in turn embarrasse me because the floors are terrible but I’m past that. There are too many other things on my list of things to do that take priority. Like bake cookies for this coming weekend’s celebrations and play outside with my kids on this gorgeous Spring day we are finally having.

When you’re a butt scootcher you tend to get yourself trapped. Getting in was easy. Getting out, not so much.

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I took a second to capture the moment before helping out. She got a little upset. Silly baby! Some things just need to be documented, ya know?

Cheers!

Colleen

 

Those Darn Babies!

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Just as my mother did for me in the wee hours of the morning, I find myself doing the same for my daughter. That is, I find myself sandwiched between my husband and my wiggle worm at 0 dark 30 in the morning.

When the Sun was properly over the horizon I woke my sleeping beauty and asked her why it was that she was in my bed and not in the tent she insisted I help her make and that she sleep in. She so candidly stated that, “It’s ’cause my babies just like, wouldn’t stop crying. I even yelled at them 13 times but they wouldn’t stop. *Deep sigh*” Then she just stared at me like this was a real and frustrating situation instead of a product of her imagination.

I just stared back and then cracked up because, really, if I had 9 babies that wouldn’t shut up after incessant yelling I would run to a place of comfort too. But that would probably be my fridge for that bottle of wine. It’s a good thing there aren’t 9 real babies living here. My daughter would be sleep deprived and I’d be drunk.

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This was my son's fort. No babies waking him. Hell, he hardly wakes when he pees himself!

My New Drink of Choice

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I stumbled upon something wonderful. It’s a drink that I never knew existed until I did a little Google search Saturday morning. I needed to place my Starbucks order with my SIL but didn’t want another mediocre caramel latte, my coffee drink fallback, so I searched for “Best Starbucks Drinks” and came across a link that listed drinks not on the menu. Most of the drinks on the list were some sort of Frappuccino concoction which I don’t drink but there was one that caught my eye.

It’s called the Dirty Chai Latte.
I love chai lattes but rarely order them, opting for something with a bit more caffeine so when I read the words ‘shot of espresso’ I knew this was going to be my new obsession. I placed my order with my SIL who ordered herself one as well. The name makes it sound kinda wrong but the drink itself is a whole lot of right and we both guzzled them down and enjoyed the pleasant kick start to our morning. Let’s just say it’s a good thing for my wallet that I don’t drive by a Starbucks while dropping the kids off at preschool every day.

Cheers!

Colleen