Ogre vs. Elves


It was 8:15pm in the Bailey household. That’s about 45 minutes past bedtime but the kids and I were at a friend’s house so we rolled in late. Their dad met us at home (a few beers deep) and after everyone was settled in he initiated the bedtime routine which involves putting on pjs, brushing teeth, reading a story and snuggling in bed before going to sleep. It’s quite a process but it gets the kids geared up, or down rather, for bed. Tonight, however, things went a little differently.

The first thing that happened was that Daddy turned into an ogre.

Then my oldest two turned into elves.


So as I was downstairs feeding the cereal monster her pre-bed feast…

…I heard the Ogre seeking out the elves in hopes that he could nibble their toes and gobble up the rest of them. I heard shrieks and cries, stomping and scampering. Essentially the polar opposite of what bedtime is suppose to be like. Instead of relaxed children ready for a peaceful slumber I had a jacked up four year old and a scared shitless two year old who was basically hysterical because the creepy ogre-man who use to be his daddy was out to get him.

I shouted upstairs something to the effect of, “Really!?! That’s not going to help his night terrors and it’s already past bedtime!”

“Hunny, I got this!” was his curt reply.

Honestly though, I couldn’t help but crack up as Ela was spitting her cereal in my face. Life certainly is entertaining, I thought, Now where’s my glass of wine?!?

I have to give my husband props though. He’s a pro at turning around the kids’ attitudes and snaping them out of one emotion and instigating a new one. He’s much better at that than I am. Seeing that his little elf boy was freaked, daddy ogre recruited him to team Ogre and together they feasted on the girl elf. Little ogre was sent to get the salt and pepper to season their captive and then sent back once more for ketchap and hot sauce. One minute my boy was sobbing and the next he was shrieking with delight.

I was exhausted just listening to the goings on upstairs. All too soon (for the kids) play time was over and it was time for stories and a snuggle. I scoffed at the idea that these children, who were just on an adrenaline and emotional high (or low) would go willingly to sleep. But to sleep they went and without protest. I suppose if I was exhausted from just listening to their antics they must have been wipped out from participating in them.

So having put two of our three children successfully to bed I made the daddy ogre put our cereal monster to bed too. And ya know what… She went right to sleep! Go figure.

Seems like daddy ogre just earned himself a new job!

Sleep well y’all!!! (We’ll see if my two year old does…)


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