My Swimming Fiasco


Well, Ela is now 2 months old so I figured it’s about time I got back in the water. The 2 dozen chocolate chip cookies I consumed in the past 36 hours may also have something to do with this decision. Having made this decision I was required to buy a new suit so I went shopping. I had just 1 hour to find one before I was due back at the health club to swap the children for my freedom. I failed to find an appropriate suit at the discount store I usually have success at so I decided to go straight to Sports Authority where I knew I’d find what I was looking for. Damn are suits expensive! But I needed one immediately so I found the fun, neon suits by a somewhat off brand and tried on a few sizes. Let’s just say I’m delusional. I must have been 14 years old the last time I fit into the tiny sized suit that I foolishly grabbed. I also grabbed the next size up which I was at least able to squeeze into but was most certainly NOT purchasing. I peeled it off my body and noticed that my blubber, er, um, skin was turning red. So I put those darn suits back, grabbed the next size up and decided that was going to have to do because there was no way in hell I was going back in the fitting room for more trauma. So then I drove back to the health club, parked and started nursing my kid for the next 20 minutes in hopes that my boobs would deflate a bit so the suit would have a better chance of stretching over my ass! And guess what? It worked! The suit fit. It was a bit on the snug side but that’s a good thing considering I expect to be down a size or so soon enough. So at 7:10 tonight, just about the time some Olympic hopefuls were swimming their way to London in Omaha, I too was swimming.

After 1,200 yards I called it good and realized that my core is seriously lacking strength. And after a long hot shower I realized that I forgot to grab towels. So as I stood there naked I weighed my options; should I make a break for the towels since there weren’t many people around or wait and ask the next person I saw to help my dumb ass out. I almost ran for it but just as I was stepping out someone came around the corner and I sheepishly asked for the assistance I desperately needed. All covered up I walked to my locker and realized I had made another amateur mistake. I didn’t lock my locker. Oh well, everything was still there so no biggie. It just made me feel like a bigger dope but I’m use to that feeling by now. And as I post this I am drinking a beer and feeling happy that I regained a little piece of myself tonight despite how ungracefully the processes unfolded.


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