Monthly Archives: June 2012

Boobs are like Hot Water Heaters, At Least When You’re Four.


I had the three kids in the shower with me this morning. I love family showers and am really looking forward to getting our bathroom remodeled in the next month or so. It’s getting a little cramped. Anyways, during our shower Lilly and I had the following conversation and it made me smile so I thought I’d share it with you:

L: Mom, how does the hot water get here?

Me: Well, we have a big water tank in our garage and the water heats up in there and then goes through the pipes and comes out the faucets and shower heads.

L: Why can’t we see the pipes?

Me: Because they are hidden in the walls.

L: So it’s kinda like your boobies then. Your nipples are the shower heads.

Me: Yup, I guess so!

Boobs are to hot water heaters as nipples are to shower heads. Genius! And she said this so matter-of-fact like that it floored me. This is why I’m planning on having a few more kids. I just can’t get enough of their little minds.

Shots That Leveled Her


Today there was no taking shots or firing shots, both of which would have been way more fun than the getting of shots that actually occured. Ela turned 2 months old yesterday so today, at her doctor’s appointment, began the assault of vaccines she will be given throughout her life. She took the two shots, one in each thigh, like a champ. She just screamed for a brief moment and that was it. She then proceeded to sleep the rest of the day, waking for a brief 1 1/2 hours to eat and hang out. She finally woke up at 6:30 this evening and she’s still going strong 3 1/2 hours later but I’m gonna try putting her little butt to bed at her usual bedtime of 10:30 and see how we fare. It was a nice day though and as a result of her constant sleeping I was able to write and post a lot more than usual. If this is how she’s going to react to shots in the future, I say bring them on!



Procrastination tactics of a two year old


O is a pretty good sleeper but, like all kids do at some point, he discovered that he can buy himself a few moments at bedtime if he’s tricky. He had my card pulled two weeks ago when he’d preface what he intended on saying with “I have to tell you something.” It got my attention every time because Lilly never initiated a conversation like that. She just assumed you were listening and cut to the chase. Odin figured me out and started using this tactic to procrastinate until I put the cabash on it. Here is one such bedtime procrastination attempt as it played out:

O: Mommy, I ha’ do tell you someding

Me: Yes Hunny, what is it?

O: Um… A polar bear at my house.

Me: There’s a polar bear at our house?

O: Yesh. …Ah, I ha’ tell you someding AGAIN!

Me: Yes, O?

O: Um, dere monsters out dere!

Me: You think the are monaters in the hallway? There aren’t any monsters in the hallway, Odin. And if there are, your dogs will protect you and eat them.

O: Huh. …Mom-

Me: No, Odin, there is nothing left to tell me. I have something to tell you though. It’s time for bed! Now be quiet and go to sleep.

O: Awwww.

Me: …Odin?

O: Yeah?

Me: I love you! (laughing)

O: Love you much, Mommy.

What a goon. He melts my heart!

My Swimming Fiasco


Well, Ela is now 2 months old so I figured it’s about time I got back in the water. The 2 dozen chocolate chip cookies I consumed in the past 36 hours may also have something to do with this decision. Having made this decision I was required to buy a new suit so I went shopping. I had just 1 hour to find one before I was due back at the health club to swap the children for my freedom. I failed to find an appropriate suit at the discount store I usually have success at so I decided to go straight to Sports Authority where I knew I’d find what I was looking for. Damn are suits expensive! But I needed one immediately so I found the fun, neon suits by a somewhat off brand and tried on a few sizes. Let’s just say I’m delusional. I must have been 14 years old the last time I fit into the tiny sized suit that I foolishly grabbed. I also grabbed the next size up which I was at least able to squeeze into but was most certainly NOT purchasing. I peeled it off my body and noticed that my blubber, er, um, skin was turning red. So I put those darn suits back, grabbed the next size up and decided that was going to have to do because there was no way in hell I was going back in the fitting room for more trauma. So then I drove back to the health club, parked and started nursing my kid for the next 20 minutes in hopes that my boobs would deflate a bit so the suit would have a better chance of stretching over my ass! And guess what? It worked! The suit fit. It was a bit on the snug side but that’s a good thing considering I expect to be down a size or so soon enough. So at 7:10 tonight, just about the time some Olympic hopefuls were swimming their way to London in Omaha, I too was swimming.

After 1,200 yards I called it good and realized that my core is seriously lacking strength. And after a long hot shower I realized that I forgot to grab towels. So as I stood there naked I weighed my options; should I make a break for the towels since there weren’t many people around or wait and ask the next person I saw to help my dumb ass out. I almost ran for it but just as I was stepping out someone came around the corner and I sheepishly asked for the assistance I desperately needed. All covered up I walked to my locker and realized I had made another amateur mistake. I didn’t lock my locker. Oh well, everything was still there so no biggie. It just made me feel like a bigger dope but I’m use to that feeling by now. And as I post this I am drinking a beer and feeling happy that I regained a little piece of myself tonight despite how ungracefully the processes unfolded.

A Little Spontaneous Fun


I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a planner. As a mom you sort of have to be. My husband is not a planner. He likes to do whatever it is he feels like doing and I was glad that this weekend, primarily Saturday, we were plan-less and free to do as we pleased.

On Friday Lilly felt like it was an appropriate day for her imaginary lion friend, Simba, to have his 12th birthday. I agreed it was a great day for a birthday because I was making a cake for our neighborhood book club  (damn-it, I didn’t get a pic!) and had some leftover cupcakes. We sang Simba “Happy Birthday” as he sat in the empty chair between the two kids.

Odin didn’t get to eat a cupcake because he chose not to eat his dinner. No dinner = no dessert in my household. Sorry, punk. Below Lilly is explaining  that point to him and that if he tried to touch her cupcake one more time he’d lose a few fingers.

Then she further explained to him that in his attempt to get closer to the cupcake he was now sitting on the chair occupied by Simba and he’s better move his butt or Scar would eat him up. These lion friends of hers don’t mess around!


So that was our spontaneous Friday fun. On Saturday we had no plans and ran a bunch of errands as a family. First we went out to breakfast. I can not recall the last time we went out to breakfast as a family. It was really nice! We gorged ourselves. Well at least I did, while Lilly all but threatened me with that knife to stop taking her picture so she could eat.

After the kids were done eating their breakfast of chocolate (chocolate milk and chocolate chip pancakes, oh my!) they danced in the aisle. I thought they were mighty cute.

Following breakfast we crossed some things off our to-do list and then transported our chicken prisoner to my MIL’s house to exchange it.

You see, this chicken was suppose to be a hen and turned out to be a rooster. We decided the neighbors wouldn’t be thrilled about cock-a-doodle-dooing at 5am so we exchanged the dude for a dudette. During our visit to the grandparents’ house Ela was snoozing on the couch when one of their dogs, Butch, hopped up and took up guard over her. I use to fear this dog but he is wonderful with my kids so I’ve grown to like him.

After the kids’ nap we decided to visit our Yeti friend and his girlfriend. The kids love visiting as do we.

Odin loves playing in the recent landscaping at their house and winds up filthy from the mulch-stuff every time. He had a blast as you can see by looking at his face.

Well, he had a blast until he realized how dirty he was and then he was paranoid to get cleaned up.

So we directed Lilly to take her brother to the sprinkler in the yard to wash off. It amused us to no end as we watched them try to avoid the spray of water but get close enough to rinse off.

Good times! I hope you were able to have some spontaneous fun this weekend as well. Sometimes the best times are the unexpected ones.


Mama would not be happy with me…


If my mom knew what i did, or rather what i didn’t do, she’d tell me, “Colleen, I taught you better than that!” And really she did.

So what is it exactly that she wouldn’t be thrilled about, you ask?

It’s the fact that I currently look like a tomato. Yup, I got burnt today while at the pool.

Here is my pitiful attempt at taking a picture to show you the burn. It looks worse the lower my shirt goes but I’m not ready to bare it all to you, no matter how much I love you. Please note that those soon-to-be tan lines didn’t exist before today. I’m so photogenic, aren’t I?

In case you’re wondering, I was a good mommy myself and my kids were thoroughly coated in sunblock and show no signs of negligence. I count that as a win.

Here’s what happened…

…In an effort to get out of the stuffy and stinky family changing room at the pool I half-assed sprayed myself with sunscreen while I still had clothes on and forgot to go back and reapply once I was in my suit. As it turns out, my mental capacities aren’t adequate enough to properly care for myself while juggling 3 kids at a public pool.

It seems I still need my mommy, at least to sunscreen my back.  In the event my mommy can’t chaperone me everywhere in the future, tonight Lilly offered to spray me down next time. I can’t wait to see what design my sunburn takes with her “help”. Then she told me she would scratch it for me in the morning. OUCH! is all I could think. I  had to kindly declined that offer and explain why. Girlfriend obviously has never been burnt before and that”s the way it’ll stay, at least on my watch!

Have fun this summer and, mommies, be sure to wear sunscreen!

The Bailey Bunch


This week is a low-key week compared to the crazy-fun week that came before it. We were surprised with a visit from my SIL, Baret, almost two weeks ago. She’s in the Marines and will be getting out after the election this November so she was back here getting some things in order. We love when Aunt Baret visits. She’s just such a great person and enjoys playing with her two nieces and two nephews. We’re all stoked to have her back in the area.


In addition to having Aunt Baret in town, Pirate Uncle Liam was in town along with Aunt Lael. It was the first time in a long time that the entire Bailey clan was together, and certainly since Ela was born, so we had a big family dinner at my place and of course a photo session followed.

First we tried taking a good pic of the group. This is as good as it gets. Next we took a monster pic. It’s a much more natural pose for all of us!

Then it was time for a pic with all 6 Bailey kids. Odin thought it looked like fun and ran up to the tire at which point he was roared at by 6 ferocious monters that he had mistaken as his relatives.

Next we thought it would be a good idea to get a pic of all 4 Bailey grandchildren. I’m personally fond of the floating Ela compliments of Aunt Baret. Then we through the grandparents in for another attempt at getting a decent pic with their grandkids. Thanks to Lilly it was a fail. She thought she was hilarious. I did not. What a clown.

And we capped off the photo fiasco with a pic of the 3 generations; Robert Raymond Bailey (IV, V, III)

There was also another picture in which all six Bailey kids showed off their best imitation pregnant bellies, well all but Liam, he sucked in his belly and looked shockingly anorexic. I’d love to post the pic but I’m not sure the girls would like that shared.

Compared to all the activity of the previous week or so, this week is proving to be quite boring (mostly in a good way) and I’m told it’s good to slow things down every once in a while. we’ll see about that 😉

The Four P’s of today


Today was all about the Four P’s;  Pee, Princesses, Pie and Pool (in that order).

Let’s start with Pee. This morning Odin finally convinced me to jump out of bed when he grabbed himself and said, “I have to go pee!” I stripped him down and sat him on the toilet and he really, truly peed! I was really proud of him. I think the whole potty training adventure is going to go a lot more smoothly than it did with Lilly. I think…

Then there were Princesses. Lilly had her second week of fairy tale princess dance class. All the little girls got to pretend they were Rapunzel today which made my princess extremely happy since it’s definitely one of her favorites. Odin and I spent the 45 minute class in the waiting area throwing a ball back and forth and messing around on the iPad.

Next came the Pie. My SIL Kathryn and I have perfected strawberry-rhubarb pie. At least we think so. It’s the middle of June and neither of us had made one yet so we rectified that today. We also made a blueberry cream pie which didn’t firm up due to some improvised cream products. As it turns out, there’s really no good substitute for heavy wh

ipping cream but it still tasted summery and refreshing so I didn’t mind one bit. All-in-all, I think I ate about 3 pieces of

pie. I want more.

Lastly, there was the pool aspect of the day. Our day just isn’t complete without a refreshing dip. My Aunt Maren came to hang out with us and we enjoyed her company until it was dinner time. A cold beer, poolside on a Monday makes me happy.

Life is good. I hope you all enjoyed your Monday as well!

Posting a few drafts


I feel like there have been a million posts I’ve written in my head but I haven’t found the time, or rather I didn’t have the energy when I did have the time, to type up. For the past 5 days we have been spending a lot of time with family. All of my husband’s siblings (there are 6 of them) have been in town along with my SIL’s brother and niece and we’ve been having a blast hanging out together. I’ll have a fun post up soon with pics of our large family and silliness but until then, here are some posts that were in the works:

Super Glue: A Great but Dangerous Product!

I’ve never used super glue as much in my life as I have in the past year or so.  As Odin attempts to play with certain toys, especially those more delicate toys belonging to his sister, he inevitably breaks them. He use to break things on accident. Now that he’s two he break things simply because he is a maniac and feels the need to throw everything he can get his grubby hands on. This does not fare well for Lilly’s belongings.

For example, I was just taking a few minutes to buy my plane ticket for my sister’s wedding. Odin and Lilly escaped to the upstairs and were playing nicely together (this I assume only because I didn’t hear the fighting and crying I now hear coming form the upstairs.) Lilly came down all upset that Odin broke her jewelry box so I went upstairs to inspect the damage and dole out punishments and force apologies to be made. Then I came downstairs again and attempted to fix the box. It wasn’t hard to fix but I did end up super gluing my finger to the little glue container. Ripping my finger off was less than fun.  Then Odin threw a wooden block at Lilly’s head and bruised her ear. Once her tears were dry we sat down for lunch and needless to say I was feeling a little testy by that point. Foolishly Lilly proceeded to antagonize me and I took the bait. For her less than stellar behavior she was awarded some time in her room during which she passed out. I, on the other hand, was awarded “Mother of the Year”. (My words are dripping with sarcasm in case you didn’t notice.) Good times…

*As I just reread that post I realize that it went from a post about super glue to a vent about a Lilly-Odin-Mommy shit show. My bad. Instead of editing it, I’ll just let it go.

Kid Synopsis (written 5 days prior to this post):
After a solid 3 weeks I am happy to report that Eleanor’s baby acne is almost gone. On the flip side, she hasn’t pooped in 8 days and is beginning to get more cranky (I hope due to the poop issue and not due to a change in temperament.) Her major awake period is from about 5pm-11pm at which point I am thoroughly exhausted after a 16 hour day. As of today she is 7 weeks old and over the past week she has begun smiling at us and cooing. It’s nice. And that’s all I have to report about on her. (Update: And on the 8th day she made poop! Life was better after that!)

As for Odin, he’s enjoying running around naked and just realized he does in fact enjoy swimming in the pool. He antagonizes his sister all day long and is quick to turn on the water works when he gets in trouble. He has a monstrous sweet tooth and knows how to bat those long lashes at me to get a treat. What a stinker!

Lilly is a fish. She will swim all day every day if you let her. I fear a swim team is in her future! She already looks like a little brown baby and as the summer wears on she’ll continue to get more and more tan. Her hair will end up green for sure! It’s the same hair that looks like a rat’s nest because she hates to brush it,  although she now is able to brush her hair herself so I mostly let her deal with it.

“Every Little Princess Needs a Unicorn”

We visited with the kids’ Great Aunt Debra last week. She always finds the coolest gifts and as it was the first time she was meeting Eleanor she brought some packages for the kiddos. Lilly and O got a great Goodnight Moon puzzle that they enjoy doing together and Ela got an awesome unicorn towel because as Aunt Debra says, “Every little princess needs a unicorn!” The great thing about this unicorn towel, aside from it’s basic awesomeness, is that it’s big enough that both my little princesses can use it. Thanks Aunt Debra!!!

Well, hope you enjoyed that. Time for me to wrangle up some wild animals upstairs. Stay tuned for more Bailey shenanigans!