Monthly Archives: April 2012

An Unexpected Rainy Day Adventure


My tire took a crap. I tried fix-a-flat and it didn’t hold so today I had to take the Tahoe in to get serviced. I figured it wouldn’t be good to be in labor, on the way to the hospital and have my tire blow before getting there. I’d wind up in the newspapers as the chick who gave birth on the side of Rt. 14. For some reason I really don’t want to be that chick. So, despite the fact that it was raining, I had two kids with me, there was no indoor waiting area and my water could break at any minute, I got that damn tire serviced. This meant that me and the kids had an hour for a rainy day adventure. And ya know what? It was a lot of fun!



Decked out in rain boots, rain jackets and umbrellas we walked to the Square in Woodstock,







ate some over-priced sandwiches (though mine was delicious!) and then stopped by the bakery for our mid-day dessert.






By the time we were done with our food-focused adventure and on our way back to the service shop our Tahoe tire had long been fixed and was waiting to take us home.

Comedic Moments of our Day


Here are a few highs (or lows I suppose depending on your perspective) from today where I found myself chuckling.

*In the car after preschool today Lilly tried to put Odin in a good mood by telling jokes. Her favorite “joke” right now goes like this: “Hey, Mom! Do some jumping jacks!” She finds this hilarious because that’s what her Daddy keeps telling me in hopes that I’ll go into labor and he won’t have to go to work. Fast forward an hour and we’re at the doctor’s office. At the end of the appointment, on her way out, my doc says, “Maybe do some jumping jacks…” To which Lilly yelled in response, “That’s what my Daddy says!” Hilarious… So, I was thinking, maybe I’ll do some jumping jacks or something…

* Who flung poo? Yup, it was Odin. He was playing in the grassy part of our cul-de-sac and the next thing I know he throws this rock-like object on the pavement. I yell to O a few times from the driveway that it’s time for lunch and when he refuses to come I walk out to get him. He starts walking my way, stops to pick up the rock-like object and holds it out towards me as if he has a special present just for his Mama. As I realize this large rock is actually a large turd, from our dogs I’m sure, I scream at him to drop it and rush him inside to wash his nasty hands. Kids are gross! I’m just happy I didn’t vomit.

* Odin is a great napper. I always have to wake him up at 4pm no matter what time he goes down otherwise I think he’d probably sleep until 6 or something crazy like that. The problem is, when I wake him he is CRANKY! Today was no different, although maybe a little worse than usual. I went in and laid down next to him all nice and quiet like so that he could wake up slowly. In response to my stealth he rolled over and yelled, “Just get out of my room!” To his snarky greeting I responded, “Sweetie, it’s time to wake up.” “No!”  “Go!” “Get out!” were the remarks I heard as I made a swift retreat. Then I sent in Lilly to try and rouse the Beast. A solid 30 minutes later, the Beast retreated and my nice boy found his way back.

* Odin thinks it’s great to eat hummus with his fingers. I just think it’s great he eats hummus. Period. Of course, due to his preferred eating method I give him his own little bowl of it so he’s not contaminating all of it with his filthy fingers. As we’re sitting at the counter snacking, Lil decides she’d like to try hummus again, just in case she now likes it. Heck yeah darlin’, try it! I’m always excited when Lil is willing to try foods she otherwise turns her nose to so I allowed her to dip a finger in the large hummus container for a quick sample. I focused my attention on Odin for a moment while she sampled and the next thing I know Lilly has spit her small sample back into the big container! Of course I freaked out on her and then had to back-peddle and explain how disgusting that is and how we don’t do that, yadda yadda yadda. End of snack time.

Again, let me repeat, kids are gross.

And again I find myself thinking, It’s a good thing they’re so cute!


Shrinky Dinks are fun!


For Lil’s birthday she was given a Disney Princess Shrinky Dinks set.  I was completely unfamiliar with what Shrinky Dinks are so it was a treat for myself as well as for Lilly when we made our first Shrinky Dinks bracelet today. It wasn’t a treat listening to Odin yell and scream about how he didn’t want to nap while we were crafting together but that’s how it goes sometimes.

Anyways, the first thing you do is color the flat plastic princesses.

Then you bake them for a few minutes watching the magic unfold. It was really fun for us to watch them fold/curl up on the baking sheet and then flatten out again, becoming little charms for the bracelet.

Then you assemble the charms on the bracelet and listen to the jingle as your little girl happily sport her new jewelry.

Thanks Tracey!


Pros and Cons of a Big-Ass Belly


Well, there are 3 days left until my due date and probably another 5 or so after that before I have this kid and my belly just keeps getting bigger. As it expands, I have frequently taken note of the few occasions in which having a big belly has been preferable as well as the seemingly many more occasions when it’s just been a nuisance. I’ve taken the liberty to outline them for you below:


Pros of having a big-ass belly:

1. It serves as a great resting place for things like hands and ice cream bowls.

2. A body pillow isn’t really necessary to support my belly at night while sleeping. The belly is fully supported by the bed instead.

3. People seem a lot more friendly and smile at you more often, especially at the gym.

4. It serves as great butt support for the kids when I pick them up to carry them.


Cons of having a big-ass belly:

1. Anything that drips out of my mouth lands on my belly instead of inconspicuously falling onto the ground. I especially notice this while brushing my teeth.

2. I bump into people at stores because I forget how far it extends outward. This has happened numerous times while trying to sneak past someone to grab a gallon of milk. Pregnant people with large bellies aren’t meant to be sneaky.

3. It is built-in drag for swimming. This could be a pro if I were training for a championship meet but since I’m obviously not, it is definitely a con.

4. In 2 months my swim suit has stretched out so much that it is another source of drag on top of the belly itself.

5. Many of my maternity shirts look like belly shirts at this point. My wearable maternity wardrobe has decreased dramatically based on stuff I just won’t wear and things that no longer fit.


As you can see, the pros and cons are almost balanced though the cons do edge out the pros. Here’s to hoping I don’t have to dwell on these pros and cons much longer. Although, to be honest, I’m feeling really good for being 39 1/2 weeks pregnant so it’s not that big of a deal to go a little longer. I’m just anxious to meet the bugger and find out the sex! Plus, my swim suit is getting so stretched out I’m almost embarrassed to wear it anymore.





… Rufus. Not exactly the introduction I was hoping to be able to make after this weekend but since the baby is enjoying torturing me and refusing to make an appearance in this world, getting to know Rufus will have to suffice.

This is our blue and red friend. He came into our lives after the unexpected death of the four goldfish we acquired from Jana’s wedding. You know, the wedding to which we wore these ensembles:

Stunning is the word you’re looking for, I think.

Anyways, the kids were bummed when the goldfish died so we thought one hardy Beta fish from Walmart might be a better way to go and way less of a commitment.

Rufus has been living with us for 1 1/2 months now and he seems to be doing just fine. Aside from a few  instances where a certain 2 year old covertly tried to feed our fishy friend resulting in the dumping of obscene amounts of food into the tank, all is going smoothly and Rufus seems no worse for wear. Rufus enjoys hanging out in his ridiculously colored cave and enjoys eating when I remember to feed him, though he’s not partial to the bloodworms that are suppose to be a delicious treat for Beta fish.

And speaking of treats…

When’s the last time you ate Candy Buttons?!?

Our good buddy, Lesley, picked these up to share with us and boy did the kids love them. It reminded me of the days when we’d go to Mr. Bulkey’s candy store in Spring Hill Mall and stock up on sheets of these sugary nubbins. I swear you end up eating just as much paper as sugar but that didn’t stop us (though it slightly annoyed the shit out of me when the paper peeled off with the candy) nor did it stop my kids. Honestly, I was really impressed by the speed at which Lilly finished off her sheet of buttons. The girl seemed determined to get every last one into her tummy as fast as possible, probably fearing I would take the sheet away before she could finish. She was obviously unaware of my long time love-hate relationship with this special candy and how I couldn’t, in my right mind, interfere with her first experience.

Of course, the package of Candy Buttons came with numerous sheets and now, since I have the kids hooked, I will be rationing them out as I see fit (read: will use as bribes).

Here’s to hoping that the next post you read involves a new baby brother or sister for my monsters instead of more ways I give my kids sugar highs…


OB Booby-traps


There are some moments during certain days that are just epic failures. You know the ones. The ones where you play out a scenario in your head and then when you go to act out that scenario your body just doesn’t get the message and does whatever the hell it wants.

I had a moment like this yesterday at the doctor’s office. Let me share it with you. It might make you chuckle. Or cringe. Probably both.

So, I was at the OB office for my weekly checkup and had to go leave a urine sample as usual. It’s a standard procedure that I’ve done plenty of times before. Here’s how it goes, in case you’re unaware:

1. Piss in the cup.

2. Open the little door in the wall.

3. Place the cup on the tray.

4. Close the door.

5. Wash hands.

Pretty straight-forward, right? I have successfully carried out this scenario in the past and am aware that things could go awry if you’re not careful. For one, the cups at my OB’s office don’t have lids. Sure there are some with lids but there are also others without lids that I use because that’s what everyone else seems to use. Also, opening the little door is a bit tricky as you have to push the little handle/knob down as you pull the door open. Lastly, the stainless steel tray you set the cup on has a small lip around it so it’s wise to carefully set the cup in place. These are the booby-traps to navigate while leaving a urine sample. Do you still think this scenario is straight-forward?

I was very conscious of these booby-traps as I went to leave my urine sample and mentally noted each trap. I was determined to do a good job. I was planning on being in and out in moments. Here’s how the scenario of leaving a urine sample played out for me:

1. Piss in the cup.

2. Wipe the cup of spillage.

3. Open door

4. Slosh urine over the cup and onto the floor.

5. Let door close, wipe urine off the floor and the cup, again.

6. Open door for the second time.

7. Attempt to place cup on tray.

8. Hit the lip of the tray with the cup and dump urine EVERYWHERE.

9. Release a flurry of expletives and let the door slam shut for a second time.

10. Clean up urine from the tray, floor, my hands etc…

11. Successfully place the cup, with what is left of my urine sample, on the tray.

12. Exit bathroom feeling like a champion.

As you see, it took me a few (7) extra steps to successfully complete my urine sample. My body was obviously not cooperating with what my brain was instructing it to do. It must have been a bit fatigued from the swim I had just completed next door before my appointment. Silly body.

And speaking of silly bodies, I had both kids with me at the appointment. There are many moments throughout each day that their brains and bodies don’t sync up. Those moments usually require a kiss from Mommy to make the boo-boo better.

Odin had one such moment play out just minutes after my urine incident.  We were walking to the back room from the waiting room and Odin, distracted by his sister’s shenanigans, continued walking/running straight ahead when he should have jogged to the left. SMACK! He hit the wall full on. The nurse that was escorting us and myself had to turn around while we cracked up. Funniest thing I have seen in a while. Odin was okay. A bit stunned and shaken up but he didn’t burst into tear as I expected. The whole office heard the smack. Odin preferred the sucker the nurse gave him as comfort over my hug. It’s a good thing too because I couldn’t stop laughing as the events of my urine mishap and Odin’s run-in with the wall replayed themselves over and over again in my head.

Life is funny, ain’t it?


A little ol’ tire swing


We’ve had this little beauty hanging in our front yard for 3 weeks now. My husband is smitten with himself over it and the kids in the neighborhood along with my kids’ other little buddies have been having a blast swinging to and fro. Having a tractor tire hanging from our front tree makes this Mama feel a little red-neck but also a whole lot of awesome!






When their Daddy first hung the tire I couldn’t help rolling my eyes but I couldn’t object to it after seeing the smiles from these monkeys’ faces:



As it turns out, I actually prefer the larger tire to a normal sized one(not that I was aware we were in the market for a tire swing in the first place.) The kiddos can nestle their little bodies inside and I don’t worry about them breaking themselves falling out (which isn’t to say they won’t break something on this eventually. Kids get creative after all!)

Unfortunately, after 3 weeks the rope has slipped down a little and the tire now sits on the ground a bit unless you wind it up first. Daddy needs to rectify the situation soon so I don’t have to play such a central role in swinging/spinning the tire for the kids. Although on second thought, it may just induce labor so maybe we can hold off on retying the tire for a while…

Who wants a swing?






A work of art

A work of art

The other day we were at the pediatrician because Lilly needed her 4 year checkup and shots.  She had to get 4 shots total, two in each arm! I can proudly report she took ’em like a champ. No tears or complaining. She really showed her brother how it’s done! Then she was showered with rewards from the nurses and doctors. A Popsicle, a Star of the Day certificate, a pencil, a book mark, a sticker and a tattoo! I think it was a little overboard but Lil was thrilled. Great pediatrician office though, right?!

Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to share. Sometimes I go off on tangents. It’s a problem I have. Let’s bring it back to the purpose of this post.

So at Lil’s doctor’s appointment they gave me a developmental questionnaire to fill out asking a whole slew of things. Most of which I could confidently answer “yes, she does that.” But when it came to the question, “When asked to draw a person, does our child draw at least 5 different features such as head, arms, legs, torso, eyes etc?” I honestly had to think about this. Drawing people is not something I have ever done with my daughter. I feel like a dope typing this. I mean, what mother hasn’t drawn pictures with her daughter by age four? Sure, we’ve done a whole heck of a lot of other crafty things but stick figure drawings haven’t been in the cards so far. This left me sitting in the waiting room while my kids scared the fish in the fish tank deciding whether it was best to just lie and mark “yes, my kid does this” or make Lilly leave the fish and draw me a picture. I let her continue roaring at the fish with her brother. I mean, the kid is in preschool. They teach them how to draw stick figures, right…?

Fast forward to the next evening. We had parent night at Lilly’s preschool. She was super excited to show us what she does in her classroom throughout the school day and I was excited to find out. We pawned Odin off on my in-laws and let Lil be our teacher for the evening. She showed us a few of her favorite things to do.

Lil eagerly pulled out these colorful wooden shapes and started stacking and building. Daddy joined in and they spent at least 15 minutes building and balancing the pieces. The first time I tried to help I knocked down the whole tower so I just observed from then on. And felt like a fool. Pretty standard!

We spent an hour in the classroom learning about our daughter and the environment she learns in every day. It was wonderful. But by far, the best part of the whole evening was looking at the family portraits that each child drew,
hanging on the walls of the classroom.
Please recall the beginning portion of this post involving my lack of knowledge in regards to my daughter’s drawing abilities. It’s important.

We walked around the room looking for Lilly’s family portrait. We saw many others hanging on the wall. Some were really very well done and some looked, well, like they should. Like a preschooler did them.  I couldn’t wait to see how Lil’s turned out and when I found it I burst out laughing (though I quickly stifled the laughter and turned it into praise for a job well done since she was standing next to me.)

Below is our family portrait. I am keeping this forever and ever. I invite you to take a close look.

Are you laughing yet? Can you tell which ones are the dogs? Can you tell which one is Daddy?

Can my daughter draw a person? I can now answer that question truthfully, “Hell yes she can and she can draw them anatomically correct!” (aside from the lack of arms…)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s a penis hanging from the long hotdog-torsoed person which represents Daddy. Everyone got a good laugh out of her portrait, Daddy included. He only wishes she would have drawn it a little bigger!


(If you didn’t notice, there is also a baby in Mommy’s belly. It’s the circle in the torso of the person with the huge head.)

2 year olds…


… they really know how to make you feel like a douche bag.

Let me give you an example:

We just dropped Lil off at preschool. I have some errands I wanted to run and then i was going to take O to the book store for a bit to play with the train table and get an Easter book for the kid’s Easter baskets. Of course Target is one of the only stores open at 8:30am so i pull into the parking lot and O immediately yells, “no store!” I ask him if he wants to go home and what he wants to do. He says, “Go home. Play.” So before I even park I leave the parking lot and head home because taking a 2 year old into a store he doesn’t want to go into is a recipe for disaster as I’ve found out all too often lately. Well, of course as I’m driving away he says, “No! Wait! Yes, store! Store!!! Wahhhhhh!” I tell him the decision has been made. We’re going home to play. Now of course he continues to cry all the way home. In fact, he is still sitting
in the car crying but he changed his plea from “store” to “Daddy!” Every time I try to take him out he looses his shit even more. Mother-of-the-Year award, right here ladies and gentlemen.

I know it’s classic 2 year old behavior but it still makes me feel like a d-bag even though his decisions are what brought on his current emotional state.

Time to go help him get happy. Wish me luck!

Happy Wednesday. Thanks for the vent.

**** Update****

Guess what is helping him hold it all together this morning…

…Sometimes a movie is the best medicine for both Mommy and child. We’ll play outside and use our brains later on. For now we’re going to continue to decompress.

And I’m back… sort of.


All last week, which happened to be Spring break, my computer was out of commission. My adapter took a dump and since the battery doesn’t hold a charge for more than 2 minutes when it’s not plugged in I was unable to use it. Of course as it turns out, Cullen has a universal adapter and voila, just like that I’m up and running again. I should have asked him for his assistance a week ago. Though in all honesty I don’t think I would have had the time to post anything with multiple play dates most days and evenings spent out gallivanting around the suburbs until well after 11pm 4 out of the 7 days.

Any who, now that my computer works and I’m recuperating from Spring break I’ll get to posting again. I have a gigantic tire swing, a blooming apple blossom tree and a severe sweet tooth that all warrants posting about. But honestly, you’ll have to wait a bit longer. My computer time is being eaten up right now by my need to create our family’s 2011 photobook. I finally picked around 800 photos out of the 4,500 taken this past year and am now in the process of putting the book together. It’s going to take a while.Why the hell did I procrastinate so long?!? I’m only on February’s layout right now and there just isn’t a whole lot of time to work on it in between wiping noses, supervising outdoor shenanigans, cleaning, feeding, working out… yada, yada, yada. But damn it, this project is getting completed before baby #3 arrives (who still is not named!) so I may be neglecting this blog for a while more.

Forgive me.

I hope you are all enjoying your Peeps and jellybeans in anticipation of  Easter. I know I am!