A gift, of sorts

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A gift, of sorts

Yesterday I experienced something wonderful. Something I’ve always dreamed about but never indulged in. Something that has erased a lot of guilt in a matter of hours. In addition, I’m considering it as a Valentine’s Day present simply because the services were performed in close proximity to Valentine’s Day and my husband doesn’t acknowledge this holiday. And also because it allowed me to guiltlessly ignore domestic duties and spend time doing what it is I love to do most; hang out with my kids sans distractions.

So what is it exactly that I experienced, you should be wondering?

I experienced what it’s like to have a cleaning lady come for a few hours.

~~Sound the uplifting, ethereal music with crescendoing trumpets and harps.~~

I’ve never had a cleaning lady come before and let me tell ya something, it was magical! It wasn’t just the fact that i had someone else scour my bathrooms and dust my rooms, not that that in itself wasn’t enough to gush about. It’s that in preparing for her arrival I thoroughly picked up the entire house and rid it of clutter. Well, almost all the clutter. There is one counter top that is a magnet for shit. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that one counter that you pile all the miscellaneous papers, drawings, tools, pens etc. Basically it contains all the crap you can’t get rid of but doesn’t have a home. Some lucky people may simply have a drawer of crap but most of us have a counter and a drawer too.

Anyways, I digress. Let’s bring it back to the cleaning lady and why exactly she came. The obvious reasons for this question would be that I’m pregnant, lazy and there is just too much damn house to straighten and clean in a reasonable period of time while in my wake two little tornadoes undo all my hard work. Sounds like reason enough to hire a little help, doesn’t it?

I’m gonna answer that for you with a resounding YES, but as it turns out there is a different explanation behind the cleaning lady’s presence. It’s kind of a funny story. Well, I think it’s funny so I’ll share it with you.

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There once was a pregnant mommy with severe pelvic pain. Normal tasks like walking and getting in/out of bed/cars/pants was painful not to mention vacuuming. In tears this mommy lamented to her husband about the pains that household chores were inflicting on her and her inability to give the house the thorough cleans it so desperately needed because it took so long to complete the basic cleaning/picking up.

Her husband felt bad for her and offered to take on some of the cleaning responsibilities, primarily the vacuuming which was at least a twice per week chore thanks to their two canine friends and filthy children. This made pregnant mommy feel a little better for the moment, though she didn’t really know when her husband would get around to performing these chores. Her husband then walked away and most certainly thought, “What the hell did I just offer to do? Well at least she stopped crying. I hate it when she cries.”

Pregnant mommy’s pelvic pain got a little better each day as she became more vigilant about how she moved and what she did. She didn’t hold her husband accountable for the cleaning he had offered to do. She just let the house get dusty and the carpets nasty and it’s best not to comment on the state of the bathrooms. Of course she maintained the downstairs for appearances sake but the upstairs was a hot mess.

The messy state of the upstairs was really starting to mess with pregnant mommy’s mental stability. Mind you, she’s not a clean freak by any standards but she doesn’t enjoy living in a pig pen either. When her husband came home from work one night a few weeks later she lamented once more on the state of the house. He thought about this for a quick second and then responded charmingly, “Oh, I forgot! I pre-paid a cleaning lady for you for 4 hours of work.”

Pregnant mommy couldn’t help but chuckle to herself. She had asked her husband for cleaning lady services on a few occasions in the past, even as a Christmas present once or twice, but she’d always been ignored/denied. And now, without any prompting from her, he went ahead and hired some help. Maybe it was simply a thoughtful gesture though realistically it was to get out of contributing to the cleaning he had volunteered to perform.  Whatever the motive, pregnant mommy wasn’t bothered in the least. She was thrilled. And in fact it gave pregnant mommy the gusto to get the house straightened up and in order so she could maximize her 4 hours of service and have the cleaning lady do all the really gross jobs she had been avoiding for so long.

And pregnant mommy, despite her flair-up in pelvic pain from her flurry of organizing and cleaning, was happy.

The end.

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So that’ s pretty much the story behind why I had a cleaning lady come. The story pleases me, as it should since it’s my story. Hopefully you found it slightly amusing too. If not, bummer ’cause you can’t get the last  few minutes of your life back. Either way, I highly recommend treating yourself to a little domestic help if you never have. Best $60 my husband has ever spent for me (on house related things of course!) Now I just need to maintain the house in its current state… Or convince the husband that a cleaning lady every so often is a brilliant idea…

Wish me luck!

Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

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