Because you’re not from mine. On my planet we stick our fingers in the chocolate frosting on a cake and lick it off. We don’t go whining to our sister for the wash cloth to wipe the frosting off and incriminate ourselves. Son, I know your mother taught you better. Pay attention!
On another note, I came across this new wonder today. It’s definitely from my planet. It’s something I can consume with ease unlike its cousin fruit. It’s a kewiberry. I briefly recall hearing about these and when a lady at the store asked her mother what it was I had to pipe in with my unintelligible 2 cents. “It’s like a cross between a grape and a kewi. The skin is a bit tough but edible. They’re pretty good, I think. Well, that is all.” Bottom line: I have two kids. I know how to bullshit when necessary. And you’re welcome Sam’s Club.